Within Eternity Comfort Does Not Lie
by Dementia777
Summary: Happiness was there at some point.  Maybe not love, but at one time contentment existed between them.  Now, whatever there was that created anything enjoyable between them had withered and died.
1. Definition of Imperfection

Back to angst for me.

Mainly, I'm trying out a different writing style from my usual. Tell me thoughts.

Let It Die – Three Days Grace Inspired

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No sane person could possibly comprehend what Ikkaku and Yumichika had going on. One minute, Yumichika would be off by himself, flirting or just in general ignoring his boyfriend. The very next, he'd be all over Ikkaku.

And the other wasn't any different with his unpredictable behavior towards the supposed object of his affections, out some nights without taking his eyes off Yumichika, and others getting so drunk he'd hit on anything that resembled a human.

It seemed to work for them, though. At least, to someone without studying how they behaved away from work, only with each other. They'd been together since before they'd even joined the Soul Reapers, hundreds upon hundreds of years.

No one really understood them. No one _cared_ to understand their weird co-existence. If someone was looking for an example to follow in order to make a relationship last, they wouldn't want to be like those two, only co-operating when it was convenient or if they had something to distract themselves from one another.

Kenpachi was the first one to wonder about the two, them being happy with each other, that is. He thought, like everyone else did at first, that they were amazingly suited for one another and happy with one another in nearly every circumstance. But, after they followed him since his match with Ikkaku for a long enough time, it was evident that just the opposite defined them.

As Soul Reapers, they were quite a pair. Yumichika relentless and graceful, taking out scores of hollows next to his partner, working in wordless but perfect harmony. It was as if they were putting on a show for the world.

When not fighting, or working, they bickered quite a bit. Ikkaku would complain about his partner's psychological existence, telling him he wasn't half as beautiful as he thought himself to be.

Yumichika would complain about Ikkaku's habits more than anything, how he spent most of the day drinking and the rest being anywhere away from home. Both of them made points, both of them contributed to the overall annoyance they felt, but neither thought they were wrong and in turn did not wish to change.

After their loudest arguments, it seemed that the one who instigated it all would be the one acting lovey-dovey in order to apologize, after they'd cooled down. More than often, days after big arguments they'd be the picture of happiness and contentment before once again going into trivial matters and quarreling about nothing in particular.

For quite awhile, it was entertaining, like living with a married couple that simply had grown tired of their partner but neither angry enough to leave. A bad sitcom that you tuned in just because there was nothing else to occupy yourself with.

Yachiru was somewhat fond of all the fighting, it was comical most of the time. Eventually, Kenpachi learned to ignore them, and let the girl clap and laughed at the ceaseless bickering if she wanted to.

In the Soul Society, the Soul Reapers took them to be perfectly happy at first glance, as they were only seen when working together in combat. It took hundreds of years and keen eyes before the rumor got out that there was very little they had to be happy about with each other.

After some time, they'd stopped trying to put on shows, stopped pretending to hide their problems, and stopped caring altogether.

"Where are you going?" Yumichika asked with a tinge of tired annoyance lacing his otherwise innocent words.

Ikkaku, having drank most of the day slurred his response to the point of not even seeming to be any language in particular. If his partner hadn't grown accustomed to his drunken mumbling, he'd have no clue. He understood, though, that he was going out with some friends.

"I'd rather you not," Yumichika insisted. Ikkaku going out was one never ending process. If he went out one night, he wouldn't be seen for the next three, and when he was found he would be face down in a random section of Seireitei, drunk and missing half his clothes.

"What're you, my mother?" Yumichika had to interpret, but understood.

"Don't compare me to that ugly, nagging old hag."

"Fits ya pretty well."

"You're such an insensitive, uncaring bastard," the man hissed out. He started the fight by bothering, but didn't regret it. Ikkaku was so insufferable when he drank more than he could handle.

"Oh, fuck it. I'm leaving."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Whatever's wrong with _us,_" Ikkaku began slurring his speech to the point where Yumichika had to second guess the words, but did notice the emphasis and extreme annoyance. "Ain't just me. We lost whatever we had awhile 'go."

"Don't say things like that," Yumichika said softly. "It's not true."

"Hm? I ain't the only one," Ikkaku paused, as if he'd forgotten the words he was going to use. "Ain't the only one who noticed. You ain't seen it 'cause you don't see nothin' but yourself."

"Well, I hardly see you, I'll give you that much. You don't spend two days without getting fallen down drunk."

"Wonder why."

Was there any love between them anymore? Yumichika wondered. Or, did he have it wrong? Maybe there was no love in the first place, just mutual need for someone else to seem to care. Not really care, but at least pretend.

"Just get out," he said softly. "I don't want you to be here. Just get out, and do whatever you want."

"The hell 're you talkin' about?" Ikkaku asked, noticing Yumichika's strange behavior, despite his drunken haze blurring just about everything.

"Leave. Do what you want. I don't care."

"Don't care 'bout what?"

"This whole thing we're doing. You're right."

"Me? You just say I was right 'bout somethin'?"

Yumichika shrugged and sat down on the bed, which had a mirror attached to the wall across from it. He, as usual, was staring at himself. "Yes, you. You're right. I don't see beyond myself, and you," Yumichika scoffed. "You don't see past your bottle of wine."

"You're talkin' out of your ass."

Ikkaku's rudeness was met with a glare that could have stopped a wary heart from beating. Yumichika wasn't the type of person to stop an argument like the one they were having so abruptly. He could have gone on for hours yelling and not run out of things to critique. Ikkaku wondered if something was said to make his beautiful lover give up before anything had even started.

"Ikkaku, We've been like this for awhile, haven't we?" Yumichika asked softly.

"Yeah, I guess. Does it matter?"

"No, I don't think so. Nothing will change, it hasn't in so long."

"Are you..." Ikkaku saw clear as day the sadness in his lover's eyes. He wasn't sure how much he cared about Yumichika if it was weighed in with how much he cared about anyone else in his squad, it'd be about even. Surely, he cared enough, though, to be mildly concerned. "You gonna be okay?"

"I said, leave. When I said that, I had meant it. Get out," Yumichika said soft but firmly.

"The hell ever. See ya later."

"Doubt it," Yumichika mumbled under his breath, going unheard by Ikkaku as the man stumbled out.

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	2. Mixed Signals, Destroyed Feelings

I didn't want to make a sequel as a separate story, but I wanted to write another part to this.

Song that made me want to write (like I just heard it and thought of this chapter, it was too much. I have other things I wanted to do today!) this: "Make Damn Sure" by Taking Back Sunday

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They weren't perfect, but that didn't matter. There was no way in hell that Ikkaku was letting his beautiful addiction go anywhere. Never. He couldn't picture his life without the eccentric, and knew it wasn't a one way street.

They had fights. Frequently, Ikkaku would admit that. Far from a pair who depicted anything close to ideal, everyone knew that. But the headstrong third seat of the eleventh division would sooner slit both of their throats than leave or let Yumichika leave.

Period. There would be no debate over that, it was a wordless law between the two that Ikkaku had established an unnameable amount of time ago and it wasn't to be questioned.

He wondered sometimes if he was doing the right thing, as he watched Yumichika sit in front of the mirror to brush his hair every morning. When he did, he seemed so focused on the task, or at least that's how Ikkaku thought it to be the first few times. He was really focused on not showing any weakness, being a harsh judge on his own performance.

Ikkaku wondered if he did anything like that, after he noticed what his lover was doing. Maybe his intravenous drinking mirrored some part of him that didn't want to go on as he was going on anymore. Or else, he just shouted all the stress out when they argued and was content the rest of the time to be away with friends.

When Yumichika talked, Ikkaku either ignored or criticized. There weren't any really happy moments between them, or if there were they were too brief and interspersed. They had left and the happiness long ago died.

Who was to judge, though? If Ikkaku said neither of them were going anywhere, they weren't fucking going.

Just as a druggie who had lost the enjoyment from their fix kept on increasing dosage and decreasing interest in anything else, Ikkaku held Yumichika tighter hoping for the fun times they once shared to magically come back if he kept it up and didn't let go. It wouldn't happen though.

Last night, Yumichika said something that worried Ikkaku that his unwritten rule was going to be disregarded. He'd said it softly and it went unnoticed, after Ikkaku had said something like; "I'll see you later."

"_Doubt it."_

Ikkaku wondered what he meant by that. What was he going to do that made him doubt anything? Of course they'd see each other. Of course they would, because there's no one else in all of Seireitei that would even fathom caring about either of them as anything more than a friend. No one could handle the strange quirks that either of the pair possessed.

Waking up in a random alleyway of a poor district in the Soul Society (maybe he'd wondered back to Rukongai to meet some old friends) he began to worry. Maybe it was true, he didn't care about Yumichika in the abstract, or he would've separated them awhile ago so the beauty could be happy again, but in any event. Those words scared him. He had to get back to the man, before something stupid happened.

Once he'd gotten up, the hangover which he was hoping wouldn't be too horrible kicked in on overtime. It hurt while he was lying down, but once he stood a bit of light shone on his face and caused his head to pound as if something were on the inside trying to fight it's way out. That was nearly enough for him to just lay back down and forsake whatever he had wanted to do earlier, but this was thousands of years that he had spent with the one whom he thought at one point he might have loved. He couldn't throw something like that away, even if it was just a tired pool of resentment now, he couldn't have the only one keeping him grounded leave.

Ikkaku lived to fight, but the only one who had kept him from dying in each of his battles was Yumichika. They weren't happy. They weren't in love. There wasn't even lust between them anymore, the passion fueling that was long gone. They needed each other. Or at least, Ikkaku needed Yumichika.

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He wasn't sure of much anymore. He knew Ikkaku, in his own weird way, would always support him, and vice-verse. That was something they did for each other since the dawn of their relationship and one thing that would never change.

But how long could they keep this up with each other? Yumichika was at his breaking point. He never cried or felt sorry for himself. Not even since his relationship had went to hell, or when he realized that neither of them loved the other. He just took in stride, what else could he expect from someone as blunt and uncaring as Ikkaku, anyways?

He couldn't nor would keep up the charade. A rule written on an invisible tablet, and unspoken thing known between the two of them despite never having it put under the light of day; they would be together until their death. So was that the solution?

Dying with someone you loved in a dramatic way, Yumichika always had thought was beautiful. It was romantic. Dying with a man you loathed after an innumerable amount of time just because you can't possibly find any scrape of happiness in the relationship anymore and unwilling to get up and live a life of your own. That wasn't beautiful. It was pitiful.

But it was the only way.

Yumichika's mind was made.

He had a noose tied, as it was the only way he could find to die while making a minimal mess. The only thing keeping him from just getting on with ending the entire masquerade of fake love, unfulfilled promises and broken dreams was he wanted to make amends with everything in his mind.

Leaving loose ends was ugly. He already had a note written to apologize to everyone he could think of. To say sorry for being curt, for bragging and boasting, for being strange, for having others worry about his own problems, for having a kido-type zanpakuto. Even sorry to Ikkaku for not making him happier.

He was searching through his mind for specific things to make right before he finished his task and just died.

He was climbing up a stepping stool and positioning the noose when the door slammed open and the rope was cut. Ikkaku was holding his head and his eyes were shut tightly against the light pouring into the room like a liquid from the window.

Yumichika remembered thinking he should have waited for a rainy day to go through with what he wanted to do. He stared at Ikkaku coldly, not surprised or hateful, but not happy or thankful either. Just looking at him as if he was wondering why he did what he had just done.

"The hell are you doing? I'm gone one fucking night and-"

"Don't yell. Today, something more beautiful than you could comprehend was going to happen."

"Nothing is fucking beautiful about hanging yourself."

Yumichika threw the cut noose, which had fallen around his neck like an oversized necklace, on the ground. Such a waste. He climbed off the latter and scooted it over to the side, as if what had happened was trivial and had nothing particularly important about it. He wanted to do the thing on a day that wasn't so awfully bright, anyways.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Ikkaku demanded loudly, causing his head to pound harder, making him even more pissed and less able to comprehend anything said.

"You're never happy," Yumichika said and walked over to the door that had been left open to close it. "Neither am I. Sadness is beautiful, but anything excessive is gaudy and unattractive."

"So you're killing yourself over a fucking bad day?"

Yumichika looked back into Ikkaku's eyes, looking unfeeling and cold. Ikkaku knew the look even in his state. Yumichika wanted to cry, but to suppress the need he ignored every emotion he felt.

"If that's how you want to put it. What else should I do to end the gaudy charade?"

"You know what? Fuck you. Whiny piece of- you know that killing yourself isn't the way to get through things!"

Yumichika closed the gap between them and kissed Ikkaku lightly on the lips. "Yelling is only making your headache worse. I'm right here, and my ears are perfectly functional." His cool hand with long and delicate fingers cupped the side of Ikkaku's head and rubbed gently to soothe the pounding he knew was going on.

"I don't want you to do stupid things," Ikkaku said a bit softer. He didn't love Yumichika. He didn't think he ever loved anyone, and the same was true for the other. But they were always there for each other. They were a crutch when the other needed on the most, and neither could live without the other.

"It's the only smart thing been done between us in I don't know how long, Ikkaku."

"There is never a time when suicide is the solution," Ikkaku hissed, his voice growing louder. He grabbed the hand trying to distract him from the awful throbbing and let it drop.

"You need to stop pretending you want to protect me. If I want to do something, you never got in the way before. So, you should just leave with your friends again."

Ikkaku would not, under normal circumstances, stay any longer than he felt he had to, but this wasn't a normal circumstance. Never in a thousand and some odd years has either one of them tried suicide. He pulled Yumichika into his arms. "We aren't the couple that love stories get wrote about. We aren't the couple everyone looks at and tries to be more like. But, there's something about you I want to keep. I don't want you to go anywhere, or die," Ikkaku stopped for a minute. He wasn't one for comforting. "Just, if you are gonna leave, don't do it that way."

"What do you mean-"

Ikkaku kissed Yumichika passionately, thinking it may be the last time he ever got to kiss him, held him tight, knowing this would be his last chance. There was some enjoyment, but no sparks. Nothing special. Hardly anything at all.

"Leave. Get away from me if I'm making you wanna die, alright?" Ikkaku held Yumichika for a bit while he was still speechless. He always did give mixed signals. He would say he was having fun with a fight, then end it. Say he didn't want anyone to know about his bankai, fight in the open air with it. He didn't care, not this time, that he was telling Yumichika to leave but holding onto him so he couldn't.

Letting go was too hard to even think about. Ikkaku took a deep breath, trying to think with his head beating, trying to convince even though he wasn't being clear, trying to sound sincere when he didn't know how. "If you wanna die, then go ahead. I can't stop you. But if I make you wanna die, get the hell away from me, cause I promise I'm not worth that."

"What will you do when I'm gone?" Yumichika asked. He didn't know what he would do once he left either. They relied on each other like fish relied on water.

"We're in the eleventh division, both of us. I'm gonna see you every day, but if you can't live with me then fine. If you can't even deal with me, transfer. Just, don't be stupid now that I'm not gonna be around."

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Yeah, it was supposed to be a one shot trying out a new writing style and basically giving my take on their relationship, but it was so... Well, lacking of detail. I wanted more interaction but I just didn't have inspiration, nor even the will to write more than I had at the time.

I like this though. It's a better ending, since the other one was a real kinda crap ending.


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